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If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
I just threw up my weekend.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....