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Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.