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My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.