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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.