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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
Hate cleaning my floors...how fast would I go to hell if I got a blind roommate and replaced his cane with a swiffer?
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them