Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
This day needs more yesterday.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.