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Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but don’t stare.. Unless you’re wearing sunglasses.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.