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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.