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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
It is hard to imagine how people showed their anger before doors were invented.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.