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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.