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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?