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I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"