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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
I`m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I`ve given the bird to lots of people today.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative