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If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!