Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Strip search? ... Fine, but I`m going to need some background music.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? Iām always ready for bed
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.