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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.