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Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.