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I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.