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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
May your life someday be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.