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“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.