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To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.