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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.