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I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Save time. See it my way.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point