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I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
I like the part of the day when food happens.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
Remember they’re just as afraid of seeing you dance as you are of dancing.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.