Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.