Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
If you see me smiling in public it means Iām laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn`t think so.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.