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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying