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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.