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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.