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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
You look over-medicated. What`s your doctor`s name?
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.