Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you are hotter than me, wouldn’t that make me cooler than you.
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Of all the lies I`ve told in my life, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.