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I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming