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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
There really isn`t much difference between being a kid and being an adult. I was just as emotionally crippled upon learning the truth about Penthouse Letters as I was about Santa Claus.
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.