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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."