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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.