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The only difference between the 13yr old me and the 28yr old me is that my kool-aid now contains vodka.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.