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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
Iām home alone. Time to start my concert.
at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.