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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.