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"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?