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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.