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If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi