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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Do bees even have knees?
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.