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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.