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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
People must stop questioning my sanity, it wont answer them.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.