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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.