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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Iām pretty much always down for a snack.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.