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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.