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I just called. To say. I texted you.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.