Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
I am the bestest at the English language...
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
Has anyone seen where I put my organizational skills?
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.