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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."