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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
My girlfriend told me to grow a pear… What the hell does fruit have to do with killing this spider?
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
at my age, the best part of waking up is the fact that I did wake up