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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
When in doubt, take a nap.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.