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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...