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I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
I wish I could veto MY bills.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.