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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.