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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.