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Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.